Standing beside, outside

And so it begins,
The parched wait, nettling and chafe
My stance shifts from pleased to sullen
My tongue silenced by a bite once unsafe
A longing begins, slow, sour, seeping
It pulses, it fades, hot then icy, stabbing my skin
It rushes in to drown me, then recedes
It weighs on me, exhausting, a phantom limb
You turn away, for now unseeing
You pull in your expansiveness, petulant and taut
Even close, for you there will be no reaching
“Please” all of you whispers, “I cannot risk to unravel, unknot”
And so it understood
I retreat. This you will finish on your own
I seige my thoughts, quell my doubts, stand viligent
And when all is vindicated, I will gather you up and carry you home.

I am afraid


I am afraid of the truth, and for good reason

It speaks of longings I cannot acquire

Of strengths given into weakness

Of gratitude stolen, not inspired

It tells of sadness and disappointment

Carries the bitter honesty of lies

It has been so long since I was truly happy

Been forever since I was startled by my own sighs

Sighs born of wakefulness and wanting

Brought forth by hands, tongue, heat

The solace of silence

Where satisfaction and contentment meet

That is where I find you

Within the comfort of bitter and sweet

Of a memory that warms like melting sugar

Yet pierces with desires incomplete

You lie beyond my senses

The outline of your presence constant and still

Never close enough for reaching

But not so far I fear I never will

Sink beneath the weight of your kisses

Bend beneath the potency of your touch

Breathe in the scent of your significance

Stilling the me that hastens too much

I am afraid of the truth and for good reason

It does not grant me a place to hide

It discovers me naked, defenseless

It was no one but me to whom I lied



little and white

a lie, little and white.

it waits, she waits

the hour hand, the minute

the second-hand sweeps creating the new moments clean slate

A ploy. rehearsed and unclever

overwritten and under staged

you are the star,  I the understudy

you sparkle, glisten;, I press against the bars of an invisible cage

how long do you  plan to hold me

beneath your narcissism, you nonsense, your spite

how long will I allow you

there can be no champion if there is no  fight

a line, forged yet fine

finds you rooted, restless, reaching

beads of fear, sour and seeping

line lips silent and un speaking

a lie. little and white

keeping pace with the measures of wait

sweeping,  patiently sweeping

until it arrives, final, focused…checkmate







Grief 2

Grief, she will come to you
In a manner she will choose
Her stay is to her liking
Matters not if you refuse
She will become an insistent companion
Untiring and self possessed
She will lie with you in silence
Until you plead she give you rest
Grief, she will not guide you
That journey is solely your own
Many have claimed she misled them;
Some paths are just destined to be known
She worries not with reason
There is no propriety in longing or loss
What once was there is now missing
No use in calculating the cost
With her there is no judgment
She is not concerned with right or wrong
She has no use for consequence
Repercussion will only her stay prolong
She will not yield to bargaining
She has no need to settle a score
You may engage her in measures
Yet she is not less, nor is she more
Grief, she will come to find you
Her arrival inevitable, her presence ordained
She will wrap herself around you
As you surrender what sorrow has claimed

And I will stand by you steadfast
Until she goes from which she came

second sight


I find you
In the dark dreaming,  when I should be sleeping
You are restless, unsettled
Almost lost, repeating you will find a way for keeping
I feel you
Prickly, discouraged…truly fearful, clearly fretting
And I try to soothe you
But I am uncertain if this is a choice you are letting
I wait you
Ever patient, purposeful…unyielding and steadfast
Merely a mortal I realize my reason
I could value no man better, be blessed a greater gift to task
I love you
Deliberate, miraculous stroke of fate
My arms open and waiting
Will draw you in, grant you respite…resonate


Grief stays with me
It has moved in and taken hold
Filling those parts of me once empty
With a sorrow piercing and cold
It does not speak when I address it
I question how long it will stay
I contest it, my challenged unnoticed
I attempt reason, only to be met with dismay
It makes me doubt those parts of me
That were once filled with confidence and light
It quickens my pulse, leaves me unsettled
Comes and wakes me in the night
I see it outline in the darkness
A shadow shades darker than black
Even in the morn, it dims the brightest sunlight
An eclipse that steals and wont give back
Grief it shapes me
Sinks silent deep into my skin
Swells my bones, bitters my breath
Turns all of my wanting into a sinister sin
I request its name; that I may call for mercy
I beg its icy touch to cease
I feel its building malcontent
And shudder under its ungratified release
Greif, my boon companion
I pull you ever closer to my chest
Surrender, I will give you surrender
If in turn I may find rest.


Time of Abundance


My time of abundance is waning

It is as absolute as a truth

So expansive, so gratefully yielding

A feeling reminiscent of youth 


It has wrapped itself around me

Engulfed me in its tide

It has reached within, without , with wanting

It filled, it receded , it promised, it lied


The degree of my copiousness is dampening

Yet, I am ready, barely afraid

My arms are tired of carrying

My thoughts, burned out and played


I welcome a bit of scarcity

I am meant to consciously let go

My angels, they have assured me

They have a plan, it course will show


It is okay, they hush me

“quiet yourself, and take breath

What you value will take on more meaning

What you love will not be put to test” 


Ah, my time of abundance is waning

That what was so expansive will soon end

Do you feel it?  Come closer

Let us see what degree of scarcity we can transcend





I can feel it. Strong and smothering
It pushes into my solace, needles my strength
Drives until its demands are met
Then lingers, like regret

Today, I can taste it, gritty, bitter
It sits thick on the back of my tongue,
My throat clamps tight, ill fitting
I try to force it forward, coughing, spitting

It fills my nose, repellent and reeking
Saturated with burdens and blame
It’s scent is unceasing, even in open air
The smell of deceit, disappointment, despair

It wants to consume me
From both inside and out, slowly, no, quickly
It wants to dominate, devour
Leave me no recourse, relinquished of power

It calls me by name
It voice a hushed growl
“Come child, you know me,” it hums
My breath quickens, until no more breath comes

And in that moment, I think it should take me
So tired of persevering, would be so simple to succumb
But in the very moment I claimed no more
My breath returned with a roar

It is here, I can see it
Anger, frustration, hatred doubt
Fool me once; I thought I slay you
Fool me twice; “welcome” , some companions remain true