I am afraid

 

I am afraid of the truth, and for good reason

It speaks of longings I cannot acquire

Of strengths given into weakness

Of gratitude stolen, not inspired

It tells of sadness and disappointment

Carries the bitter honesty of lies

It has been so long since I was truly happy

Been forever since I was startled by my own sighs

Sighs born of wakefulness and wanting

Brought forth by hands, tongue, heat

The solace of silence

Where satisfaction and contentment meet

That is where I find you

Within the comfort of bitter and sweet

Of a memory that warms like melting sugar

Yet pierces with desires incomplete

You lie beyond my senses

The outline of your presence constant and still

Never close enough for reaching

But not so far I fear I never will

Sink beneath the weight of your kisses

Bend beneath the potency of your touch

Breathe in the scent of your significance

Stilling the me that hastens too much

I am afraid of the truth and for good reason

It does not grant me a place to hide

It discovers me naked, defenseless

It was no one but me to whom I lied

 

 

Grief stays with me
It has moved in and taken hold
Filling those parts of me once empty
With a sorrow piercing and cold
It does not speak when I address it
I question how long it will stay
I contest it, my challenged unnoticed
I attempt reason, only to be met with dismay
It makes me doubt those parts of me
That were once filled with confidence and light
It quickens my pulse, leaves me unsettled
Comes and wakes me in the night
I see it outline in the darkness
A shadow shades darker than black
Even in the morn, it dims the brightest sunlight
An eclipse that steals and wont give back
Grief it shapes me
Sinks silent deep into my skin
Swells my bones, bitters my breath
Turns all of my wanting into a sinister sin
I request its name; that I may call for mercy
I beg its icy touch to cease
I feel its building malcontent
And shudder under its ungratified release
Greif, my boon companion
I pull you ever closer to my chest
Surrender, I will give you surrender
If in turn I may find rest.