I am afraid

 

I am afraid of the truth, and for good reason

It speaks of longings I cannot acquire

Of strengths given into weakness

Of gratitude stolen, not inspired

It tells of sadness and disappointment

Carries the bitter honesty of lies

It has been so long since I was truly happy

Been forever since I was startled by my own sighs

Sighs born of wakefulness and wanting

Brought forth by hands, tongue, heat

The solace of silence

Where satisfaction and contentment meet

That is where I find you

Within the comfort of bitter and sweet

Of a memory that warms like melting sugar

Yet pierces with desires incomplete

You lie beyond my senses

The outline of your presence constant and still

Never close enough for reaching

But not so far I fear I never will

Sink beneath the weight of your kisses

Bend beneath the potency of your touch

Breathe in the scent of your significance

Stilling the me that hastens too much

I am afraid of the truth and for good reason

It does not grant me a place to hide

It discovers me naked, defenseless

It was no one but me to whom I lied

 

 

little and white

a lie, little and white.

it waits, she waits

the hour hand, the minute

the second-hand sweeps creating the new moments clean slate

A ploy. rehearsed and unclever

overwritten and under staged

you are the star,  I the understudy

you sparkle, glisten;, I press against the bars of an invisible cage

how long do you  plan to hold me

beneath your narcissism, you nonsense, your spite

how long will I allow you

there can be no champion if there is no  fight

a line, forged yet fine

finds you rooted, restless, reaching

beads of fear, sour and seeping

line lips silent and un speaking

a lie. little and white

keeping pace with the measures of wait

sweeping,  patiently sweeping

until it arrives, final, focused…checkmate